Last (?) post of 2008

This year can't get over soon enough if'n you ask me...although the holidays haven't been too bad so far.

Slow day at work; I'm listening to the Sun Bowl, hoping to be able to celebrate a Beaver victory much as my numerous Duck in-laws were celebrating Oregon's exciting win over Oklahoma State - I got a phone call from a very excited Rosemary Harper last night, and, having attended a Holiday Bowl with Cheryl and her folks a few years ago, I think they might just be getting home by now. Escaping that stadium is a time-consuming affair.

I was looking for a party to crash tonight, but it looks like a no-go, since I have little in the way of friends up here anymore, so tonight will probably be just me and the kitties, bowl games, World of Warcraft and probably a bottle of cheap red wine. I've had worse NYE celebrations - let me tell you about the woman I dated before Cheryl and I reconnected some time. Or not.

Here's to a better 2009 for everyone.

Half way through the holidays

I will be very glad when I no longer have to drive from my current abode to visit families and friends in Oregon, and not just because of the distance. On a good summer day, I can make it from Moscow to Bend in just a hair over six hours, to Albany in about eight.

These are not good summer days.

With news of impending snow coming in, I made a last minute change of plans, figuring that one trip over the passes was better than two, and decided to go straight to Casa Harper for Christmas Eve and Day, then over to Mom & Dad's.

The drive through Washington wasn't bad. The Gorge, however, was as horrible as I've ever seen it, but the Subaru is a tank and handled it fine. Portland was okay, but between there and Salem, numerous accidents had things slowed down, and there was a small fortune in thrown chains and cables on the sides of the road. A little over ten hours (!) later, I finally rolled into Albany, the only place in Oregon that doesn't have snow, 'twould seem.

This holiday has gone a lot better than Thanksgiving so far. The only time I've gotten a little emotional so far was when Rose Mary gave out a present to all of us; picture frames of Cheryl and Samantha together. That kinda got me. Otherwise, I've done a decent job of holding it together, I think.

I'm here in Bend for the next few days, then it's back through the snow to the Palouse. Oh boy. Moving in January may suck, but I can't wait until I can end this cross-state commute once and for all.

I am man, hear me roar

Well, it took longer than the three minutes Tim said it would, what with wearing snow gloves and all, but I have successfully put a new battery in the Subaru and it is working, so far as I can tell, just fine. A new first for man-dom! Now I must go slay a bear!

If one believed in omens...

So, my holiday plans are to drive down to Bend on Wednesday, then drive over to visit the Harper side of the family on Christmas Day, spend the rest of the weekend in Bend and return to the Palouse on Sunday.

Anybody following the weather knows that it's going to be ugly as of Wednesday. Even more ugly than now. Normally, I love snow in any way, shape or form, but this is not that time.

Having been unable to sell Cheryl's Subaru as of yet, I am planning to drive that down to Oregon. Last night, I bought some just-in-case chains, put them in the trunk...

...and realized the battery was dead. I'm guessing the last person who took it out for a test drive, who was fiddling with every gadget in the car, left something on and it drained the battery.

Oh bother.

So, I haul out the jumper cables and try to give the battery a start.

Did I mention this is the original battery to the car? About six years old? Dead as a doornail?

But, I do live right next door to a Les Schwab, so I'll just walk over and have them put in a new battery, okay?

Sold out?

You'd almost think someone was trying to tell me something...

So, I'm in possession of a brand new battery from NAPA, and this afternoon will be attempting something I've never tried before; changing a battery in a car.

I'll let you all know if I manage to avoid electrocution, or get to drive to central Oregon in a Honda with fairly old tires.

The weather outside is frightful

In the past 24 hours, I think we've had about six-odd inches of snow dropped on us here in the Palouse, with plenty more to come, courtesy of yon Arctic cold front. I'm taking a work break, watching crazy college students play a spirited game of tackle football outside my office (seriously, some of these guys are catching the ball better than most people on the football team).

Now, being of Scandahoovian and eastern Oregon descent, I love snow in just about any way, shape or form. I even love driving in the stuff, and am considered on of the Ten Finest Snow Drivers In The Free World. Now, these idiotic Idahoans should not be trusted on the roads in most any situation, but me - I know what I'm doing, although my drive down to Oregon for the holidays could be...interesting.

After four long years of resisting, friends finally pulled me into World of Warcraft. And I'm hooked. On the bright side, it is giving me something to do in the evenings that is somewhat social, but my body is telling me that staying up until one in the a.m. is something we really shouldn't be doing anymore.

Nonetheless, a weekend of game play, sipping hot toddies and trying to level up my troll hunter while watching the snow fall outside with the cats sounds like a decent waste of time.

Oh, and the job front: I did get an interview scheduled for the office assistant job, although I'm not sure how that's going to fit with the idea of a new position just for me...but I'm sure I'll find out soon. Hopefully the snow will be melted by then.

UPDATE: So I just spoke to the Director of Services for Students with Disabilities at COCC, and she said that while they are very much wanting to create a position for me, when and if that happens is contingent upon funding, of which there is very little at COCC, and any work they had right now would be on an as-needed-no-benefits. However, once that position did open, it would be easy to slide me over from the office assistant position, and should definitely plan to come in for the interview, which would be in two weeks.

And, not to jinx it, given that the director really wants me there, probably in any capacity - I like my chances. Fingers and toes crossed, people!

Do Want!

Those struggling with ideas for Xmas gifts for yours truly could do worse than this doodad:



Yes, do want!

Cheryl's degree, and news on the job front

Today was winter commencement, so I braved the newly-snow-covered roads - and, of course, horrible Idaho drivers; seriously, they're terrible - and picked up Cheryl's M.A. degree. Well, Vanessa was kind enough to pick it up (happy berfday Vanessie!), I just stood in the bleachers. Vanessa had tickets to go see the Portland showing of "My Name is Bruce," starring your hero and mine, Bruce Campbell, complete with Q&A after the movie with the man himself, but the nasty weather from here to Portland put the kibosh on that. I'm no Bruce Campbell but at least I sprung for lunch.

Cheryl's folks were going to try and make it for the event, but they, too, were put off by the gawd-awful weather we're having. I think they're calling for 6-10" of snow tonight, followed by a week of high temperatures in the single digits.

Oh, yeah, I got good news on the job front (and, again, I hope I ain't jinxing it): I had an application in for an admin assistant at Central Oregon Community College's Students with Disabilities department - a job for which I am extremely qualified - but Friday, I got a call from the department director, essentially offering me an entirely new position that they would create specifically for me! When I dropped off my resume last time I was in town, they were very impressed in the SSD department, and have been needing to upgrade in the assistive technology department, so it looks like they're going to hire me soon! When exactly? Not sure. And it's only part-time, but (in the Even More Good News Department), it sounds like there might be some need for a part-time writing instructor, so I could easily cobble together a full-time Franken-job, and to work at COCC would honestly more than I could hope for (I could go play basketball at lunch at the gym with guys I've hooped it up with for nearly 20 years now).

So, keep your collective fingers crossed, 'cause it looks like I might be Bend-bound sooner than later!

Yeesh, way to rub it in

As has been mentioned previously, The Amazing Race was one of Cheryl's favorite shows, and I had promised her that when she got better, we'd try out for it.

Last night was this season's finale, and where do they have it? Portland! City of my birth! City both of us are very very familiar with! And there was even a roadblock at Bridge of the Gods, which Cheryl, being a Hood River-ite, knew quite well (how little Miss Dreadfully Afraid of Heights would have handled the cross-river zip line, however, who knows).

Bother.

In other less-mildly-ironic news, I may have potentially good news on the job front, but shall refrain from jinxing it until further notice. But watch this space for more info in the near future.

Friday cat blogging

No Rose Bowl for my Beavers

Oh bother.

Somewhere, though, I'm sure Cheryl is very very happy.

What I am thankful for

This has been a very horrible year all around, but I am thankful for my many friends and family members, both mine and Cheryl's, who have been there for me during these difficult past few months.

Words cannot express how much you all have meant to me.

Turkey day, indeed

Since I watched the Stephen Colbert Christmas Special last weekend, I can’t get Elvis Costello’s “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?” out of my head. Trust me, I’ve had worse songs rattling around in my head, and this was one of the better versions I’ve heard.

This is going to be my first major holiday without Cheryl, and to be honest, this ain’t easy. For the past few years, Cheryl and I would usually spend Thanksgiving Day with her rambunctious family in Eugene, end the festivities with a massive 16-or-so-player game of hearts or dominoes, then drive out to the Oregon Coast, where my folks have a time share dealie, and spend the rest of the weekend there.

Last year, if I remember correctly (I could look it up on the blog but I’m trying not to get emotional as it is), Cheryl was between IL-2 treatments and we decided not to try two trips to Oregon in a one-month span, so we had a wonderful time doing Turkey Day at our place with our friend Vanessa, cooking Cornish game hens, then playing Wii Bowling afterwards.

This year, I’ve flown back down to Oregon and I’m staying with my folks; they’re staying at Seaside, not the central Oregon coast as they have previously. And, man, everything’s setting me off right now. Driving past the Oregon Zoo, where we’d gone to “see the aminals” before her appointment where we learned the IL-2 wasn’t working anymore. Driving past the Rose Garden, where I’d managed to wrangle last-minute Blazer tickets last spring and we saw the Blazers beat the Lakers before one of Cheryl’s ipi treatments.

And driving by Providence Medical certainly didn’t bring back any good memories. It feels like I’m playing the world’s worst version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

God, I hope I’m doing better by Christmas. I certainly don’t feel very thankful for much of anything right now.

Hopefully a good night’s sleep will help.

Until then; sing it, Stephen:

A bit of a down weekend

Most people look forward to the weekend. Me, not so much these days. Aside from Vanessa, I just don't have many friends up here anymore, and hence, not much to do. Workdays keep me and my brain occupied, but on the weekend, it's pretty much just me, the kitties and large heapings of sports and movies on the TV.

I've been pretty good most days but today - it's cold, winter's rolling in and I'm just feeling really, really lonely. And I found out I didn't even make the interview process for that job in Redmond I had high hopes (that'll serve me right for getting my hopes up).

Who'd have thought I'd look forward to Mondays..

The only reason to ever own a Roomba

Roomba Driver @ Yahoo! Video

End-of-the-week blog dump

The sun has come out for the first time in...what, two weeks? Yesterday, though, was probably the last Saturday Market of the year. What few veggie merchants showed up had decidedly end-of-the-year wares that didn't look all that appetizing. I will give Moscow this, during the summer, they've got a top-notch farmer's market. Most Friday's, some fish merchants come into the Co-op to sell just-caught-that-morning fresh fish, and I'd usually pick up some halibut or salmon for dinner that night (as Cheryl would request, "get some fish-fish," in our curious pidgin language).

Friday morning, Bruce Ellis, Cheryl's boss at the Forest Service, stopped by to pick bits of USFS property that I still had, and to drop off an album that the crew down in Orofino had put together of Cheryl. Very nice and greatly appreciated.

Also, Mia sent me a CD of the pictures Cheryl had taken on their vacation in Norway a few years ago. Cheryl had thought those pictures had been lost when her computer crashed a while back, and I still have the journal notes of what picture was taken where.

Vanessa came over last night to watch a little football and we tried my new huckleberry-infused vodka - pretty tasty stuff. Wonder if there might be a market for an independent distiller of infused spirits...Oregon is currently the biggest source of start-up distilleries, much like the microbrew boom of 20 years ago. Yes, we Oregonians like our hooch, but we like quality hooch.

Speaking of football, good heavens, it looks like the OSU Beavers have a very real chance of making the Rose Bowl! Whodathunkit? Next week's Arizona game will probably be the last real roadblock, as I just don't see Oregon posing much of a challenge during the Civil War (cue foreshadowing music)

At present, I've got my laptop back (huzzah), watching the NFL and keeping track of my fantasy
football team, which is miraculously back from the dead (my first pick this year was Tom Brady, that should give you a hint of how much I sucked), thanks to judicious trades and gleaning the waiver wire. Might even make the playoffs this year.

Vanessa, her brother and I might be getting into the Moscow curling league. Curling! Whenever it's on the late night Olympics coverage, I'll stay up until 2 a.m. watching it, and I have always wanted to try it. Hey, it'll get me out of the house once in a while, at the very least. And the ice rink is just across the street from me, so I won't have far to go.

Talked to my boss last Friday - he's only been here a few months, but he seems like a pretty cool cat - and told him my plans were to stay in the area at least through the end of the term, but after that, I'm putting some feelers out, but promised that I'd give him plenty of notice and make sure the department was going smoothly before I bugged out. He told me he understood, and while he'd like me to stay, if I was to quit mid-term, he'd understand.

I've had bosses who would have fired me for making that statement, so his understanding and empathy is greatly appreciated.

I will say this, the job has improved greatly since he took over. Well, we have moved into new digs, so we're not stuck in a 105-year-old twice-condemned asbestos-filled craphole. That helps. And my boss is pretty hands off and trusts me to do my job, which is my preffered management style.

No word on that one job in Redmond I've got my fingers crossed for. It's a governmental agency, and we all know how fast they move - talk about glacial.

Right now, the Stinkus is tearing around the place like she's got ants in the pants, and Pearl has reverted to her deep hibernation cycle.

I think that's about everything for now.

Random musings on a slow day

The weather up here has been positively Willamette Valley-like the past week and a half. Overcast, blustery, windy - I don't think I've seen the sun for the past several days. And let me tell you, when the sun goes down up here, it gets dark. Seriously. It's like there's a black hole or something up here at night.

I'm doing okay, and seem to have settled into a pattern that gets me through the days, which usually involves 1) go to work, 2) watch TV/surf the internet the rest of the night. My computer has been in the shop the past week, however, so I have been sans the web for a while. For an internet addict like myself, it's been very hard. Man cannot live on basic cable alone.

I do a little packing now and again, although last weekend was hard. I packed up a lot of Cheryl's stuffed animals, including her teddy bear she'd had since she was a wee tyke, and that set me off for a while. Every day is a little bit better, but I'm still tremendously lonely up here.

And that is the source of my great conundrum: should I stay or should I go? It's no secret that I wasn't happy up here even in the best of times, and I cannot wait to get back to central Oregon. It's home, it's where friends and family are, and it isn't this gawd-awful place. However, I do have a job (with good benefits), and finding a job even in the best of times in Bend is an adventure, and to read the newspapers, this is the worst recession the country has been in since the Great Depression.

Do I stay someplace I don't like, simply because I have a job, or move for my own mental well-being and hope I find a job sooner than later? Ay, that's the rub. On the bright side, I've got a line on a couple of job possibilities in central Oregon, and I hope hope hope that one of them pans out. I've got inside connections working for me, and the older I get, the more I learn it's not what you know...but who you know.

Still, I probably should have sent the shoebox full of $20s in with my job application. Never hurts.

I suppose they could have been worse...

So, one of my favorite pastimes, now being part of a family of Ducks, is mocking the great ugliness that is the sports uniforms of the University of Oregon. And my team's colors are orange and black! When you put out uniforms that make that combination look good, well...

...and don't get us started about the marching band, ahem, "uniforms." Cheryl was in the band when they had capes and Musketeer-style hats, really good for keeping out the rain they were always marching in. She despised the Nike-era "uniforms" that looked that the unholy union of a Nazi biker gang and a road crew.

But getting back to the anecdote at hand, a few years ago, the University of Oregon, clearly green with jealousy over the back-to-back college baseball championships won by the mighty Beavers of Oregon State, decided to bring back their defunct baseball program (sadly, throwing the storied UO wrestling team under the bus, but that's another story), throw a ton of Nike dollars at them and see if they could buy a national title that way.

When I first heard of this, oh lordy, how I gave Cheryl a hard time about what those uniforms would look like. Will they come out in lemon yellow unitards? Bring back Roboduck? And Cheryl could only shake her head sadly, as she knew she had no defense against the truth.

They finally unveiled the new Duck baseball uniforms today:


Okay, they could be worse. The "O" on the pants looks like a janitor's key ring, and I hope that they never wear that giant yellow "O" in an actual game as it looks like a giant bull's-eye. But, once again, they have managed to make a team that frequently wears radioactive orange uniforms look good.

Man, I was really hoping for the spandex unitard. That truly would have been worth mocking.

Yes we can!

It's no secret that Cheryl and I were - and are - tremendous supporters of Barack Obama. He's the first candidate we ever donated money to, and I know one of Cheryl's great regrets would be not being able to vote for him in the general election.

Last night, Vanessa came over and we watched the election results, flipping around between NBC, CNN and MSNBC (those giant electronic maps do look very spiffy in HD), and when 8 o'clock rolled around and the left coast offically gave the election to Obama, Vanessa got a little sniffly, and I know Cheryl would have been a little emotional as well. The cherry-on-top for us would be, somehow, Al Franken winning the senatorial election in Minnesota, which might yet happen. We were both big fans of Al Franken's books, and to see him get elected (and, by default, Bill O'Reilly head a-sploding) would be beyond cool.

This will be a moment that we can tell our grandchildren about. Others have said it more eloquently, but to me, the fact that we have elected a man with a decidedly odd name, raised by a single mother and grandparents, and just happens to be black - these are the ideals that this country was founded upon. This is what America is supposed to be, where a man like Barack Obama can rise to the highest office in the land.

I wish him well, as he - and we all - have a lot of work ahead of us.

Remembering Cheryl

It's a slow day. I'm packing up some kitchen stuff, watching football, and just generally being lumpy. The winds have blown through, taking most of the remaining leaves off the trees, and the streets are generally a soggy mess of smushed leaves. Reminds me of Eugene in the fall.

Last week, Vanessa and I drove down to Eugene for Cheryl's celebration of life. It was a nice drive, and a long drive is made much easier with a friend. We stayed with Cheryl's folks Friday night, and Rosemary had put together a lot of photo albums from the pictures we'd hauled out of storage. I'd never seen most of Cheryl's baby picture, and boy howdy, were she and her sister redheads back then. That's one of the few times I got a little choked up that weekend, as this was supposed to be the year we were going to try hatching a rugrat, and I know that little guy (or gal) would have had that uber-red hair.

The longhouse was everything we were hoping for, big, roomy, and for a woman dedicated to archaeology and Native American cultures, it really was her cathedral. It was a beautiful warm autumn day, the leaves were still turning, the skies were clear and the sun was shining - the eternal winter rains had not yet arrived.

Rosemary spoke for a bit about Cheryl, and then I picked up the story about the point where we met, and I managed to make it through without completely losing it. I was so happy that we had so many people there; family, friends from as far away as Hood River, Seattle and Pullman, co-workers, and many of them shared their stories of knowing Cheryl as a smart, loving and warm person. I was especially glad to have Dr. Dennis Jenkins speak, as Cheryl always spoke highly of him as a teacher and mentor to her.

Thanks to all who came, and to all who shared their memories of Cheryl.

Afterwards, some of us wandered around the Natural History Museum, where Cheryl worked and volunteers for several years after college (a pretty spiffy little museum, and one of Cheryl's co-workers from the museum mentioned how they are still using Cheryl's organization system there), then we wandered down to the East 19th St. Pub, which is where we had our first date all those years ago.

At least, I think it was our first date. The more I think about it, our first date might have been at Rennie's Landing. Well, I know for a fact that our second date was at the 19th St Pub, but that's another story.

In short, it was a perfect sendoff for a very wonderful woman who will be greatly, greatly missed.

It's official: satire is dead

I am going to post about Cheryl's celebration of life (promise, I'll get to it soon), but this was sent to me, and...I know Cheryl would have gotten a kick (or the palm-to-the-forehead) out of this:

Jesus People Pray That False Idol Will Save God’s Economy

Now, Cheryl and I both fell into the spiritual-but-not-religious category (and we're evil socialists, too), but we both know enough of the Bible to know that this is a really stupid idea. Seriously, with all apologies to our right-leaning readers, if this is the best the Republican Party of today can come up with, they are definitely headed the way of the Whigs, Free Soilers and Know-Nothings.

All that's missing is Edward G. Robinson lamenting, "Where's your messiah now?"

Our mailing address

More than a few people at Cheryl's memorial (and I'll blog more about that later, but it was wonderful to see the many friends, family and coworkers who came) asked for our mailing address to send cards. It's:

1215 S. Mountain View Rd. #201B
Moscow, ID 83843

And, of course, if you need any more info, you can contact me via the blog.

No recriminations

Spent most of yesterday going through old papers and boxing up our CD collections - I have a bad habit of putting my CDs back into any open case, while Cheryl was horrible about proper storage and keeping the jewel cases, keeping most of her discs in travel envelopes; end result, it took me a couple of hours to property recategorize and box up CDs, and I have several discs without cases and cases without discs.

Different thoughts go through my head on different days. What's been eating at me lately is the feeling that this was all might have been avoidable. I don't know for sure how long Cheryl had that original melanoma on her back, but it was at least a year before she finally got it taken care of at WSU. Then, going through old medical records, I discovered that she never went back to the doctor for followups. Not until she started having tummy problems last summer did she get a primary care provider, four years later.

I can't help but think if: If she had gotten that mole checked and taken care of earlier. If she had gone in for yearly checkups. If I had nagged her more about seeing a doctor...maybe she'd still be alive.

But Cheryl had a number of horrible habits, among them, she was stubborn as a proverbial mule, and he surest way to get her to not do something was to pester her about it. I think she also felt that she was too young to get cancer, this couldn't happen to her, and so on.

I also know, deep down, I can't beat myself up over this. How many people get nasty purple moles that just sit there forever and do nothing? And there's no guarantee that this cancer came from that mole; it could have been lurking there unseen for several years. And even if we'd caught it before it had metastasized, even as a single tumor, once melanoma is in your innards, it's bad news, period. The odds might have improved to 35% over 15%, but we'd still have had a long road ahead of us, going through the same treatments.

It's certainly possible that nothing we could have done would have changed the final outcome.

But that's cold comfort right now.

Hooray for in-laws

Cheryl's folks came up for a few days this week and we packed up a lot of stuff - it's a good think they brought Paul's pickup truck, as we filled it up with Cheryl's clothes and such. I gave Bill and Rosemary the glass hutch they'd given to Cheryl and I as a present some years ago; one less thing to pack up and move for me, and they'd always liked it.

We also came across a box of photographs that Cheryl had taken over the past fifteen years that I, sadly, had never seen before. We also found a box full of mementos and school things that, too, Cheryl had never shown me. It was in one of those boxes we'd meant to get around to unpacking but never did. There were some wonderful images and pictures in those boxes, and it was very enjoyable for the three of us to go through them. We will have a lot of them available at Cheryl's celebration next week.

I just wish she'd had the chance to go through them with me.

Directions to Cheryl's memorial

Courtesy of Kristine and Mapquest:

From the north:
http://www.mapquest.com/maps?1c=Portland&1s=OR&2c=Eugene&2s=OR&2a=1630+Columbia

From the south:
http://www.mapquest.com/maps?1c=Medford&1s=OR&2c=Eugene&2s=OR&2a=1630+Columbia

From the east:
http://www.mapquest.com/maps?1c=Bend&1s=OR&2c=Eugene&2s=OR&2a=1630+Columbia

Work is good

Back at work today. Keeping busy keeps my mind occupied, which is good.

Cheryl's folks will be staying with me for a few days. We'll do some packing, maybe some golf, weather permitting.

How long will I be staying at work? Still figuring that out. Probably going to be returning to central Oregon sooner than later, though. Of course, finding jobs in central Oregon, even in the best of times, is an adventure, and we're in a massive recession. At least the folks will put up with me for a while.

Tough going

Been spending the week at my parent's house. Mornings have been pretty rough for me. I wake up after dreaming and expect Cheryl to be there. By the evening, however, I'm usually feeling better. Having my Mom to talk to all day has been a big help; we lean on each other.

I'll write more when I feel up to it.

Cheryl's memorial is set for October 25th

All friends and acquaintances of Cheryl's are welcomed to attend. The event will be from 11-2. It will be at the Many Nations Longhouse on the University of Oregon campus. Map on the link below:

http://uoregon.edu/maps/

Feel free to contact me if you need additional information.

Doing kind of okay

Friday night, kind of spur of the moment, I decided to come down to Bend to spend some time with my folks and friends. Vanessa, bless her, is happily watching over the beasties. I hope they'll adjust to living down here when we move. They've moved from Eugene to New Mexico to Pullman before, they should be fine. I hope. Me, I still feel pretty hollow inside, and very sad.

The move will hopefully be sooner than later. I just hope I can find someone to pack up my stuff for me. Right now, I'm just not in he mood to pack up all my garbage and drive it down here by myself.

I think I'm doing okay. I'm forcing myself to eat at much as possible, and I got some good Ambien-aided sleep last night. I'm still having problems with my internal thermostat being out of whack - I'll get chills, then start sweating, then get chilled again within five minutes - but I hope that's just stress.

Right now, I'm hoping to be down in Bend by early November - the sooner I can get out of Pullman, the better. Virtually nothing but bad memories there now.

Today's a hard day

I was going to try to drop off Cheryl's research today, but didn't sleep too well and am feeling so-so. I'm just feeling tremendously lonely right now. Thank goodness for Samantha; she's never far away and helps me go right to sleep.

I think Vanessa and I will go out for something to eat today, or just crash on the couch. God bless you, Vanessa, you've been wonderful this past week

I might take some more Ambien and perhaps try to hibernate through the weekend. I am planning to return to work on Monday, simply for no other reason than I need to get out of the house and around people again.

I should be packing stuff up but am just highly unmotivated right now when here by myself.

On the bright side, it looks like the plans for Cheryl's memorial are now set, Saturday, October 25th, from 11-2 (or thereabouts) at the Many Nations Longhouse adjacent to the UO Natural History Museum. If you need help finding the place or making travel arrangements, please let me know.

Today's update

I'm still on something of a rollercoaster, only the emotions seem to hit me on an hourly basis - I'll be feeling pretty good for a while, then getting weepy right afterwards. Thank God for Ambien; I am at least getting some good sleep, but I've been staying on the couch, the TV does a good job of helping me to nod off (that, and I haven't gotten around to folding all the clothing on the bed yet, either).

Unless you hear otherwise on this blog, we're still a go to use the longhouse next to the Natural History Museum at the University of Oregon on Saturday, October 25th. For those who wish to attend the memorial, you can contact me via phone or email for directions, especially if you are coming from some distance away

Possibly intriguing news of day: I will most likely be leaving this area as soon as I humanly can, as there is nothing here for me besides a low-paying job I really don't like. Central Oregon has always been home to me (as my Mom says, I've always kept one foot there, no matter where I was), and my folks will be more than happy to put me up for a time while I find a place of my own. Now, my sister has been looking to purchase a potential retirement property in Bend, and made the following suggestion: find her a foreclosed or other home to buy in the area, and I could rent it from her.

Man, I couldn't ask for a better scenario there.

Also, I spoke briefly to Dr. Andrefsky, one of Cheryl's committee members, to see if the Anthropology department would like Cheryl's several binders of research from her thesis - sound like yes - and we also discussed the possibility of granting Cheryl her M.A. posthumously. Since I had made a formal request, and since Cheryl had had an article published based on her research, Dr. Andrefsky thought it was possible and likely and he would forward my request, with the backing of the faculty, to the Graduate Student department (and, I mean, come on, how could they say no?)

I'll be talking a bit with Dr. Andrefsky tomorrow, and see what the weekend brings - probably a lot more sleeping and hanging out with Vanessa.

Cheryl's memorial service (tentative)

It's weird, I'm a logofascist, but one of the two words that have always given me trouble is "tentative." I have always pronounced it without the second "t", so it's "tenative." Weird, huh? Oh, the other word? "Basilisk." That one doesn't come up in casual conversation very much, though.

Anywho, bless you Kristine and Joe, as they've helped me find a wonderful place for the memorial service for Cheryl. At present, it's going to be at the Many Nations Longhouse next to the Natural History Museum at the University of Oregon on Saturday, October 25th. I cannot think of a more perfect place to remember Cheryl's life, since she worked at the Museum for a few years before and after graduation, and, of course, loved the University of Oregon. After the service, we'll probably have a big room reserved at one of the local pubs Cheryl frequented as a student, graduate and wage monkey, get soused, and hopefully watch her Ducks put the boots to Arizona State.

This isn't writ in stone as yet but it's looking very, very likely at this point. When plans are finalized, they'll of course be here in the blog, so keep watching this space.

Cheryl's final days

I guess I can go ahead and get this written.

After the "we're down to chemo" diagnosis, Cheryl was pretty down. We spent the night with our friend Beth, and she cried herself to sleep with me beside her.

I don't think she ever called the oncologist in Lewiston who would have dispensed her drugs. Probably that old bugaboo of procrastination and guilt. Cheryl did feel very guilty about her cancer, and was very aware that her putting off getting that mole removed may very well have ended up killing her.

Still, she improved quite a bit physically over the last couple of weeks. She was able to get up and down off the couch and up into bed without assistance, and her diet started to bounce back to normal. Wednesday night, in fact, we went out to the new Shari's restaurant and she ate half a hamburger and fries.

Thursday night, when my Beavers whupped on USC, she was on the couch, half asleep, I didn't think anything of it at the time. She was just tired, I thought, and she had her "button" (the BAD CADD that gave her her atavan and benadryl cocktail), so when she dedicded to sleep on the couch, I thought it a little unusual, but not that much.

Great, as I type, there's a commercial for The Amazing Race. Cheryl loved that show. We were going to send in an application tape once she got better.

She hadn't moved Friday morning, and I went to work anyway, again, thinking she was just tired. She never picked up her phone during the day, and that worried me, since she usually at least picks it up to say "I'm sleepy, call me back later."

When I got home I was apparent that she'd never gotten off the couch all day, and she was dehydrated and incoherent. She couldn't form complete sentences or finish a thought. I called 911 and we got Cheryl to Gritman hospital.

Again, this wasn't too different from previous incidents when she's spiked a fever; they'd blast her with antibiotics and fluids and she'd be back in a few days.

They wheeled Cheryl away for a CAT scan and shortly thereafter the doctor came back with the bad news: the tumors had moved to Cheryl's liver and brain and she was badly septic. They could do everything they could for her, but she wasn't leaving the hospital.

In retrospect, I perhaps should have seen this coming; there were a few times in the previous week where Cheryl would have trouble finding a word to finish a sentence, or she'd wake up from a dream spouting gibberish. The tumors were probably starting to move into her brain back then.

I called our families and told them to get up here as soon as possible and I stayed with Cheryl through the night. Vanessa, dear sweet Vanessa, came over to spend much of the night with me. Cheryl kept fighting her oxygen mask in her disorientation, and eventually had to go on a BiPAP machine to force air into her lungs. She would still say "I love you" when told her that I loved her, and some of her last coherent words to me were, when we had the Oregon/Washington State game on, I leaned over to her and said "Honey, your Ducks are up by 21," and she weakly said, but a hint of the humor I loved, "Oh, boy."

Shortly after the last of Cheryl's family arrived, they disconnected Cheryl from the BiPAP and resumed a regular oxygen line, and she slowly faded away. Her brother-in-law noted her pretty pink toes, the one girly thing she loved to do, and that she was still fighting to the end.

That's our Cheryl, tough and stubborn to the end.

We stroked her hair and held her hands and told her it was okay, that we loved her very, very much and we were so happy to have had her in our lives for even this brief time, that she was the most special person we had ever met. She was pretty drugged-up at this point but I hope she was able to absorb some of this.

And then she was gone.

Taking some getting used to

I was just reading online that former Duck basketball player Maarty Leunen had signed a contract to play basketball in Turkey.

I was about to turn to Cheryl on the couch and say "Hey, honey, guess where Maarty Leunen is going?" when I caught myself.

This really sucks.

Thank you all for the kind words and support

Not quite up to the longer post as yet, but I think I've contacted everyone in our collective phone lists. Thank you all for you kind words and support during this time.

Please keep leaving comments; they're appreciated. Anyone who needs to get a hold of me can call me 509-768-0529 or my primary email address at bddave@yahoo.com.

I had a long chat/session with Cheryl's counselor today, and that helped quite a bit. We spoke at length at how Cheryl was dealing with the stress and, yes, guilt of her cancer - Cheryl was painfully aware that her procrastination at dealing with that mole on her back may very well have been why she was in this predicament. It sounded like Cheryl was starting to accept the possibility of passing and was making peace with that, and that made me feel a little better.

I am presently making arrangements for Cheryl's service in Eugene and will post that information here when plans are finalized.

Cheryl passed away Saturday evening

I'll post more when I can. She went peacefully and surrounded by friends and family.

Thanks to all for your kind words and support during these difficult times.

One sliver of sunshine in this otherwise crappy year

OOOOOO! SSSSSS! UUUUUU! Oregon State! Fight! Fight! Fight!

You better believe I'll be rocking the orange tomorrow. You don't have the answers for the Quizz! You don't! You just don't!

Dave

A decidedly mixed bag

So, we're back from the latest trip from the Oregon Clinic, and we've got good news and not so good news.

The good news is that Dr. Crocenzi was very pleased with how Cheryl has bounced back from radiation therapy and that she's gotten her appetite back.

The bad news is that we're now out of clinical trials. There's a few coming down the pipe, but they're not yet taking applications for those. Plan E looks like chemotherapy, and the best case with chemo and melanomas is simply slowing it down; it's very, very seldom an actual cure.

Yeah, not the news we wanted. We're both pretty down about basically being down to our last straw.

The next clinical trial Dr. Crocenzi mentioned would involve a biopsy of a melanoma in order to create a vaccine, and perhaps fortunately, Cheryl is now covered in purple dots, so they won't have to go far to find one...

Hey, I'm trying to find good news anywhere I can these days.

I'm going to run away and join the circus

One peculiarity of our 2nd-floor apartment is that it's right across from the Latah Country fairgrounds, and it's that time of year again; the Zipper is spinning, the air is filled with the smells of cotton candy and elephant ears, and there's so many carny folk around it looks like a Joe Dirt convention. In short, the fair is back in town.

Mind you, as fairs go, this is pretty rinky-dink. Latah County is not exactly large - outside of Moscow, you've got a handful of tiny ex-mining towns that number in the low hundreds, if that - so the fair reflects that. We don't even get has-been musical acts, we get never-wasses ("Ladies and gentlemen, the Latah County Polka All-Stars!")

Okay, that was a cheap shot. I have nothing against polka music. Still, any fair that gives out ribbons for Lego sculptures...well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

That being said, the Latah County Fair is a damn sight better than LentilFest, I tell you what. And it's free, too. Can't beat that price.

Cheryl is doing better and we hope to stroll the grounds and "see the aminals" (sic), as well as get some greasy corndogs. Mmm, corndogs...however, I doubt we will be taking a spin in the Tilt-a-Whirl at this time. Winning a cheap-ass stuffed animal, however, may be in the cards.

Yeah, I know, late update...cut me some slack

It's been a long, long two weeks at my loathsome job, and I've been very, very tired lately. Not to mention that Cheryl and I are both lazy and enable each other horribly, as the giant pile of clean clothing sitting in the middle of the living room can attest.

But, anyway, the news out of the Harpish household is...mostly good. The radiation therapy, combined with the injectable cocktail of drugs Cheryl takes on a regular basis seems to have done the job pretty well for the short term. She's eating a much more regular diet (regular enough to ditch the five-pound-milkshake each night, we don't know yet), and her energy level is much, much higher - for the first time in months, she seems like the "old" Cheryl, which is much welcome in these parts.

Now, we still need to work on that muscle tone - she's got matchstick calves and arms like my 85-year-old grandmother, and climbing up two steps of stairs has tuckered her out for the day, but we're definitely moving in the right direction.

Now, this current progress is strictly pallative; we've still got plenty of cancer to worry about, and when we head to Portland next week, we'll find out what Plan E is going to be (the ipi is out for now, but at least we've got a Plan E).

More news as we get it.

Dave

The good, the bad and the ugly

The Good: Cheryl's back home and we're on our fourth day back from the hospital, so it doesn't look like we're going back anytime soon. Huzzah! Also, Cheryl is actually eating solid food and not, I repeat, not barfing it up ten minutes later. Sure, she's not eating a whole bunch, but she's eating! Not enough to get get rid of the milkshake-in-a-bag as yet, but we're trending in the right direction. She's also not having to hit the "BAD CADD" as often (the BAD in this case stands for the Benadryl, Atavan and dexamethazone cocktail she can inject herself with as needed for cramping and nausea.

The Bad: Dear Lord, my wife has absolutely zero muscle tone. It's improving, but simply standing up takes a fair amount of effort. You squeeze her arms, it's like holding a soggy balloon! This calls for more high-protein smoothies and low-low-low impact exercises to build up those cankles!

The Ugly: Getting up and off the toilet is currently a nigh-impossibility, and since Cheryl's still on the Lasix to get rid of all her excess water weight, so that means a lot of piddling, and we've had to get a commode.

Cleaning one of those things out is absolutely zero fun, let me tell you. I really deserve a raise if'n you ask me.

Dave

Hopefully, this will last longer than the last time

Hooray, Cheryl's home! (again) Fortunately, this should last longer the last time - she spent a week in the hospital working on improving her strength, and is doing much, much better. She still needs a little help getting around, and the shower could be an adventure, but all in all, this is a vast improvement over last week. Her folks are staying with us for a few days and are being a big help. And she managed to eat a decent dinner of fresh pesto fettucine, too! Her nausea is becoming less and less of a problem (it's still there, but it's manageable).

Big shout out to Apria, the folks who make her milkshake-in-a-bag. These folks have been a tremendous help to us and they have our thanks, big time.

We'll see how she does in the next few days, and hopefully is able to get a shower in the next day or so...she is kinda stinky right now...

Po-dunk

So, Vanessa and I got over to Lentil Fest in Pullman about four o'clock. There was the beer garden, and I see a few vendors...where are the lentils?

Oh, that happened at three o'clock. No more lentils anymore?

Call me crazy, but if this is the "National Lentil Festival," shouldn't there be lentils, lentils, everywhere? But there was nary a dry pea to be found anywhere.

Gotta love the city of Pullman. They don't even half-ass this garbage, maybe quarter-ass, best case.

It's funny: Moscow is five miles away, across the border, and is also a college town, but actually feels like an actual town; there's a definite sense of community. That would apparently be too much work for the City of Pullman, who's idea of community is apparently collecting Busch Light cans off of College Hill after football games.

Vanessa and I wandered to Pullman's downtown and found a new German/Czech place, specializing in all sorts of odd goodies (head cheese or tongue-and-blood sausage, anyone)? How unique! Being Pullman, I give them three months, tops. But we did get some beer and sausage, to the day was not a complete loss.

On to the Cheryl news: she is feeling much better, and may come home in the next day or two. She's spent the last few days working on building up her strength so she can "at least get off the toilet," in her words, and is actually eating some actual solid food and getting out for laps around the ward. Her folks are coming up tomorrow, too, to help out, which is good - I'm just about out of sick/vacation days. Still, any excuse to miss work is a good one...

Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks...

Then apparently I own a damn gravel pit.

At least Cheryl is feeling a bit better. She's still swollen up like Veruca Salt due to fluid retention, but is feeling stronger and actually eating solid food. Just a little, but we'll take what we can get.

As for when she gets released, who knows? Hopefully later next week; that appears to be the best case scenario.

I just got through with a week of hell at work at WSU ("Killing Your Hopes And Dreams Since 1905!"), and will have double that next week - beginning of Fall Term is always that way, and, as usual, I'm understaffed and overworked; my back is absolutely killing me, and I don't think I've gotten a decent night's sleep in about six months.

There is one bright spot, the return of our dear dear DEAR friend Vanessa, and believe you me, simply having a friendly face in the area who understands what we're going through is a tremendous boon. In fact, we're going to Lentil Fest tomorrow.

You know how some small towns have these big national festivals, like the Garlic Festival in Gilroy, CA, that are really big deals?

Now imagine one of those being run on a $42 budget, and you have Lentil Fest.

That was short

About two o'clock last night, Cheryl desperately needed to go to the bathroom. We tried getting her to a standing position, but she was too weak. She tried crawling there but couldn't get up to the bowl, so we had no choice but to call 911 to get an ambulance and have her carted back to the hospital here in Moscow.

At least she was home for ten hours :(

The docs think this utter weakness might be due to abysmally low albumen counts - no albumen, no protein production; no protein production, no muscle mass; no muscle mass, I have a jellyfish for a wife. But, really, there's no great consensus onto why she's so weak all of the sudden.

More news will be posted as I get it. Hopefully some of it will be good for once.

Dave

Well, at least we're home

You know the old phrase, "weak as a kitten?" That, sadly, describes Cheryl right now. When I can say she can barely stand, I ain't kidding. I was able to push her up the stairs, barely, which is good, as the only other option was carrying her, something the Dave of 2006 might have been able to accomplish, but the Dave of 2008 is older, flabbier, and in much worse shape.

At present, Cheryl is zonked out on the couch, as getting to the bedroom was going to be too much effort. To no one's surprise, she's covered in cats - I see once again where I fall in the hierarchy of things - "not the mama!"

Hopefully, after a good night's rest (and once the pharmacy running through her veins is depleted), she'll at least be a little more conscious...and be able to get to the bathroom unassisted.

O frabjous day!

Good news, everyone! Cheryl finally returns home tomorrow after...jeeze, how long has it been? Hopefully we can keep her well for longer than three days before returning to the hospital. Fingers and toes crossed, people.

But also, our dear dear friend Vanessa is returning to the Palouse, so at the very least we've got someone else to commiserate with in the coming days.

I'd better hurry up and finish this post - there's a monster thunderboomer coming through and boy howdy, I'm getting quite the free lightshow.

Time for the big weekend info dump

Well, now I know why Tim the Housesitter didn't see Pearl while he was here: she'd gotten stuck in a closet for five days! Aside from being very thirsty, she seems none the worse for wear; when left alone, she truly does hibernate. Apparently, she decided to have her revenge by meowing loudly at me last night, every hour, on the hour, which certainly beats the dreaded Kitty Surprise, if'n you know what I mean.

I'd like to think that maybe she's learned her lesson and won't climb into closets anymore, but both Cheryl and I know that our cats really aren't very bright.

The drive home wasn't too bad - I ended up taking the slightly longer route through Lewiston to try to avoid a massive thunderstorm to the north, which I managed to do for the most part. The air was thick with ozone and the smells of rain and freshly-cut wheat, which combined with the pyrotechnics to the north, actually made for an enjoyable trip.

Friday morning, I happened to bump into Chris Fountain, the nurse who's in charge of coordinating all the various clinical trials at Providence, and got to pick his brain for a bit. Right now, the plan is for he and Dr. Crocenzi to get a CAT scan after the radiation therapy and see what, if anything, has changed, and if Cheryl's still good to go on ipilumimab therapy - even though the study is fairly liberal, she may not be eligible to continue with it (although, it's worth noting, "ipi" is close to FDA approval, which would open it up to everyone). Chris did mention that they're another couple of trials opening up soon, so we do have a Plan E should the current therapy crap out. He also mentioned that, simply to improve her quality of life, surgery to remove the tumor-riddled portions of her gastrointestinal tract is not unthinkable, but major surgery like that is very risky and would most likely be a last resort.

Also, according to Chris, what he has seen with stomach tumors and radiation therapy is that, occasionally, a lot of the tumor tissue will be killed and end up being...well...barfed up. And it looks like meatloaf.

Say it with me: ewwww! And Cheryl doesn't even like meatloaf.

At present, Cheryl is kind of riding the roller coaster of nausea and stomach cramps, but she's usually getting plenty of dilaudid and other Happy Fun Drugs that keep her feeling okay, but pretty sleepy. She's only got two more treatments to go, and if all goes well, we'll have her back home by the end of next week, and she can sit on the couch and watch the Olympics to her heart's content.

Saw The Dark Knight on an IMAX screen down in Tigard (and, guys, if we're paying $13 for a movie, I think you can spare a little Windex and clean the damn lenses! It's very annoying to have these giant black spots on the screen because the projector is dirty).

That aside, I really liked the film, although I'm reluctant to call it The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. Worth the price of admission, definitely, and Heath Ledger's performance truly was all that and a bag of chips.

Dave

Up and down the roller coaster we go

This morning, Cheryl got taken away early to get irradiated, and upon return, was nauseous and pretty much out of it. By this afternoon, thanks to happy fun drugs, we were fairly close to "normal" Cheryl, able to carry on a conversation with her parents and aunt and uncle to came to visit for our anniversary (and brought tasty cake, the bulk of which will probably be eaten by the nursing staff).

As of now, we're back to sleepy, nauseous Cheryl, as I think that visit pretty much tuckered her out (yes, I have a wife with the stamina of a one-year-old at present, 'twould appear, but that's the joys of radiation therapy and god knows what else). I suspect we will not get around to watching The Simpsons Movie tonight, and I'm sure I'll hear about it that I forgot to set up the TiVo to tape Project Runway (that show is on perpetual repeat on Bravo, however, so I'm sure she'll be able to catch up).

For some reason, Cheryl has taken to being a regular watcher of Mariners games. I can't imagine why, unless she's a closet masochist or has an unnatural and bewildering fascination with Yuniesky Betancourt.

Maybe she's just getting ready to watch lots of horrible University of Oregon baseball next year and needs to steel herself (oh, I'm gonna hear it for that one...)

At this rate, I should make reservations for Barrow, AK

Tomorrow will our 3rd wedding anniversary - funny, I thought the typical present of the 3rd anniversary was leather, not toxic radiation. Shows you what I know.

Our anniversaries have continually gotten worse. Our first was spent in Winthrop, WA, a sleepy little town in northern Washington, and it would have been fun had there not been this massive forest fire a few miles away smoking the place out. We ended up going to Lewiston for our 2nd anniversary and eating at this nice-looking but very underwhelming restaurant (when I order a steak, I do not expect it to be cut up for me; I still have all my teeth, tyvm), and days later we got the current diagnosis. And now our third is being spent in a hospital.

Cheryl's doing pretty well, but tends to have periods of "bleargh-iness" due to the radiation, but she's able to get up and walk around a bit, and happily chowed down on some naan I brought back for her (and, by happily chowed, I mean she nibbled on small pieces like a squirrel).

I will probably be heading out to one of the giant shopping malls to do some no-sales-tax shopping later, and I just found out that there's a local IMAX theater...and I haven't seen The Dark Knight yet...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?

I used to love road trips

One year of ferrying to Portland and back (plus a cranky lower back) definitely takes the fun I once enjoyed out of driving. I really need to learn how to ride a motorcycle one of these years - I'd certainly be saving fat bank on gas.

Anywho, I'm here in Portland with the missus, who feels kind of "meh" today - tomorrow is more radiation therapy, and I'll be visiting a friend of ours tomorrow and going out for Indian food - mmm, Indian food. Yes, tandoori chicken, you shall soon be mine...all mine...

More updates later. The Simpsons are on now.

Dave

The year of the suck, ctd.

So much for getting out of the hospital on Tuesday. The docs decided since they were having trouble with her pick line, they would instead keep her in Providence to do the radiation therapy there. So, yes, if you had "Cheryl stuck in the hospital for another three weeks" in the pool, congrats, you're a winner.

Cheryl was, unsurprisingly, less than happy about this news. Nothing like an 8 a.m. teary phone call to put you into complete panic mode when you're still waking up.

I can't remember the last time I got a decent night's sleep. I've got sleeping pills but they don't seem to do the job; they just make me woozy. I could take more, but then I start thinking about Heath Ledger and figure I can get by on less sleep. A fellow depressed co-worker recommended Wellbutrin over Prozac since you can still slam beers on that stuff, so I shall look into that.

I'm a ramblin' guy

A few random tidbits of news today while taking a break from the mundanity (?) that is my low-paying job:

1) At present, Cheryl is due to be discharged from Providence late this afternoon. Turns out the bug was something that migrated from her gut, most likely due to the tumors, big surprise. So taking out the port turned out to be unnecessary, and now the pick line in her upper arm is developing clots. Oh, happy day. Transfusions and blood-thinners will ensue.

The plan is at present that she'll get a week or two of radiation therapy in Corvallis while staying with her folks, and we'll see what shakes out from there.

2) Went to a Magic pre-release event over the weekend. Managed to wrangle 5th place and some prizes, but I can tell my once-semi-vaunted skills have greatly atrophied. I do so love living 100 miles from the nearest game store - hell, we live 100 miles from the nearest anything. Cheryl and I can both agree that coming to Pullman was clearly the biggest mistake we could have made, but you know hindsight being 20/20 and all that.

3) After watching some young'uns play Rock Band for a few minutes, I remember when, back in my days, kids would actually start a band, instead of pretending to play in one. Just one more nail in the coffin of rock and roll.

4) Saw Hellboy II over the weekend. I was hoping for great, but I'd rank it as "pretty good." Still worth the price of admission. Maybe, if Cheryl's feeling up to it, we'll see The Dark Knight while she's in Corvallis. One can hope.

5) I thought the purpose of sleeping pills was to put you to sleep. The latest wonder drugs I'm on are keeping me awake at night, thusly making me even more cranky and irritable (and I'm pretty cranky and irritable to being with). I don't think that's right. I hate taking all these pills, but then I look at the small pharmacy Cheryl has and realize I'm actually not that bad off.

6) Bachelor living is fun for a few days, but the novelty wears off pretty quickly. I do get to make all the dishes I like but Cheryl doesn't (but, seriously, who doesn't like tomato sauce - I married a communist or sumthin').

The word for the day is "setback"

Cheryl's still in the hospital for now. They were having problems reinstalling a catheter into her port (third time was the charm, ow), and the latest blood cultures have shown she's got another bug in her system, which might explain why her temperature spiked to 102 yesterday. They're worried that the port might be the source of the infection, in which case it'd have to come out and a pick-line would need to be installed in her upper arm, and six weeks later it'd be surgery again to install a new port.

Bother. Let's hope the port isn't the source of these recurring infections, but right, all signs point to it being the culprit.

Cheryl's oncologist is suggesting, in an attempt to shrink the nasty tumors that are making eating anything beyond applesauce an impossibility, that she undergo radiation therapy for a week or so to see if that at least mildly improved things. When or if this will happen, we don't know yet. When she will return to Portland for another blast of biotherapy, or if she's even able to get more of it, we don't know yet.

Sigh. No wonder my doctor's got me on antidepressants now. Hooray mood elevators! Sadly, Prozac also affects my liver so it's forcing me to cut back on the happy juice. Drinking twice as much for the same buzz and getting double the hangover takes a lot of the joy out of Triple Martini Night.

On the reasonably bright side, we are coming up on the one-year anniversary of Cheryl's initial cancer diagnosis, and most people diagnosed with metastatic melanoma don't make it to a year since it is a very aggressive cancer, and while her stomach is riddled with nasty tumors, they don't seem to have metastasized heavily beyond her tummy and upper GI tract. So, while I doubt we will celebrate this anniversary with soda and pie, it's at least one tidbit of good news. We'll take what we can get in these parts.

Late Breaking Update: Turns out Cheryl has, in her words, a "rare and unique" bug, so she's being transferred back to Providence, and, fairly conveniently, her folks are coming tomorrow for a visit (note to self: finish cleaning the pigsty that is our apartment), and they can ferry her to Providence, where, hopefully, they'll get her back up to speed and give her another blast of biotherapy. And hopefully not keep her there for another two weeks.

The year of the suck continues

Can we just have one thing in our lives that doesn't absolutely, completely, utterly suck this year?

This weekend, we were hoping to either catch Hellboy II or The Dark Knight, or, god forbid, maybe even go hunting for huckleberries if Cheryl felt well enough, one of the few things I actually look forward to in this godforsaken place. Fat chance there, Chester. Wednesday evening, Cheryl starting vomiting again. By Thursday afternoon, she couldn't keep anything down, including water, and by Friday, she was vomiting over a dozen times even though she wasn't putting anything in her stomach. Which, as you can imagine, was loads of fun.

This, clearly, was not a good thing, so back to the hospital we went last night to get rehydrated and chock full of intravenous antinauseals. She's feeling better this morning but odds are this may result in another extended hospital stay, and what the timeline is for another treatment in Portland is, we got no clue. In my lay opinion, it would not surprise me if surgery is now called for simply to improve Cheryl's quality of life, but I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

One step forward, one step back

As you saw from Dave's last post, I was fading a bit at the end of our trip to Bend. I started feeling really ill and nauseated, and by Tuesday I couldn't hold down food or water. So on Wednesday, I checked my temp and it was 103 degrees! So at 8 pm we were off to the Emergency Room at Gritman Memorial Hospital here in Moscow. And, of course, just my luck, they admitted me to the hospital at midnight, likely with some form of infection.

I was supposed to be released on Friday morning, but there was some question about a possible bacteria, so they kept me for one more day, including most of today to get a new blood transfusion. But I'm home now, and the cats are happy, the hubby is happy, and I'm full of anti-nauseal drugs. Whoopee. I'll give a fuller message later this week.

Cheryl

Slouching ever closer to decrepitude

A few months ago, I had these big, glorious plans for my upcoming 40th birthday; beer, more beer, maybe a stripper popping out of a cake or something like that. Unfortunately, having a wife with cancer and sky-high gasoline prices kind of put the kibosh on that. Man plans, God laughs and all that.

So the festivities were somewhat truncated. On my actual birthday (well, the night before, as every decent restaurant in this @#$% place closes on Sundays) we went out to one of my favorite spots, The Red Door, and Cheryl was even able to keep some food down. Although, in the future, I should pick a location that has actual air conditioning, not just several fans that keep moving the hot air around like a convection oven. Just bring me the pitcher of ice water and leave it at the table, m'kay?

Last weekend we drove down to Bend to see friends and family; my friend Jon even arranged a Seinfeld-themed party which, alas, only turned out to be the usual poker night with a puffy shirt and a trivia contest that I, amazingly, lost. I know Seinfeld trivia, but Action Cam has me beat there. My distress at having to spend $100 on gas on this trip (and I drive a Honda, for cryin' out loud!) was ameliorated by winning $100 at poker from the hard drinkers. At some point, you'd think they'd realize that Dave here is a tight player; if he reraises you, odds are he's got you beat.

Jon, in fact, now has two stills going and is marketing his liquor/paint thinner to the masses, while former business partner Brad Irwin is looking to actually go into business selling his homemade whiskey. Hey, if the craft brewing industry can take off, why not the craft distilling? Now, this would be something I would like to get into - make my own happy juice! Vodka ain't cheap, ya know.

Cheryl did pretty good for most of the trip, but I think these long car rides are probably a no-go for the forseeable future, as she faded pretty badly by the end. On the bright side, she has been able to eat a little food to supplement the intravenous milkshakes, but she's not back to her old self entirely either. She goes in for another ipilumimab treatment on Thursday; hopefully they won't keep her another two weeks. I just got the bill for the last two weeks - our insurance better pick up most of it of I will have to look into ponying up a kidney.

Dave

Home Home Home-a-dee Home Home Home

Hi All

Well, I'm back home (yay!). We finally heard on Wednesday morning that I was going to go home on Thursday...a full two weeks from when I entered the hospital. They have me on steroids (prednisone) temporarily, and hopefully I get off those in the two week tapering schedule they have me on, so I can get another treatment!

I flew in Thursday afternoon, and we had to stop at a medical supply place. The doctors decided I still need help with nutrition for a while longer, so I will be receiving infusions of nutrients overnight for the next couple of weeks. It comes through a little pump which, when we turn the big box fan on in the bedroom, you can't hear very well. We stopped at the medical supply place to pick up the medication, and to bags of supplies, including syringes and glucose meter. Because the nutrient bags are full of glucose I have to check my blood suger after the thing has started in the evening, and give myself insulin if necessary. So we picked all that stuff up and headed home.

We were home for, oh, a half an hour when the home health care nurse arrived to help us get started with the IV nutrients. After 2hours of training, I was done, even if the nurse wasn't quite yet. I called a time out, crawled onto the couch, cried from exhaustion, then got back up to learn the last little bit. SIGH. Once we got 'er all set up, it really wasn't that difficult to put together. I have a port-a-cath, which means I have a semi-permanent IV connected which makes it easier to do the nutrients. The last two nights have been relatively uneventful. Maybe that's cuz I got me a prescription for sleeping pills (whee). The nutrients (known as TPN) is only hooked up for 12 hours overnight, so I'm detached the rest of the day. I'm going to check with a dietician to get a schedule of food so I can get off this stuff soon.

Today we got out and went looking for some pretty flowers to go on the deck. I think late June may be a bit late for flower hunting. We'll try the Saturday market next week.

Tomorrow is Dave's birthday, but we're going to dinner tonight. Hooray for Dave!

Cheryl